" I have make my decision.
I'm done with Games Workshop. I'm done with the Games Workshop's community
I'm done with the 22 years I spend time and money on this hobby.
It was fun. However, I think that after the incidents that have occurred over the last 22 years that I had decided to call it a quit. All I could say, is that I'm disappointed in the way that Games Workshop has treat its employers, its customers, the 3rd party stores and 3rd party miniature developers. Games Workshop, a company of hobby miniatures that has risen so high on the miniature market has IMO made too many blunders, has wasted time and money on unnecessary lawsuits and now made too many enemies where there was none to be made while paralyzing the freedom of its employers to perform their art of miniature making and painting.
And towards the GW shop in Rotterdam. You can keep your bullies. I know now that you are keeping then in the store because they have tons of money to spend on your miniatures. I know by now that you all have been talking behind my back, you all didn't had the guts to speak it right at me. I know the nasty stuff that has happen there and all what I can say now is this: I feel sorry for all of you.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate you all. No, that will be a waste. I know that my rage will not bring back all the things I had consider to be lost. And I know that you keep certain people at your shop because they have the luxury to spend 300-500 euros each time they visit your guys. I know you all looking at this from a financial point of view, because, why would you kill off the cashcow right? Why slap away the hand that feeds you right?
But in doing so. You have lost a customer. Yes, I might not had buy as much, put together as much or paint as much as the others did. But whatever I did it, I did it with love. And even when it wasn't perfect I felt happy in doing it so. However, I lost my spark and it is doubtful it will ever return.
I will spend this weekend in emptying my hobby room of Games Workshop related stuff. I will no longer wanna see this stuff again.
All what I wish to all of you, is luck and happiness. Because TBH, you all be needing it."
This is what I had posted 3 weeks ago on my facebook. And on the moment I'm posting this journal I feel very shattered. Not only because of the whole incident concerning Games Workshop But also the grim reality on what money does to people in the long run. This whole thing has make me psychotic and unstable . I had been through every kin of emotion during these last 3 weeks. The feeling that I had no voice over all these 22 years over how the hobby should had run has really gnaws on me. It's frighting how little voice you actually do have when it comes to buying your products apart from leaving the hobby and starting something else. It is also frighting how easy it is for people to get away with things when they start throwing with huge sums of money.
However, what had make me so unstable wasn't just the shit with Games Workshop. On the moment I felt betrayed by Games Workshop It also summon a shit load of memories and flashbacks that were unrelated with Games Workshop But still drove me crazy. And these are the memories I wanted to talk about.
It is about my freedom of speech and my freedom to post and my freedom of artistic expression and the reality of living in a world ruled by mob-ruled censorship.
I had been reading through a lot of feminist topics and topics about equality and topics about the dilemma's an artist faces when uploading his/her works online. I sensing that a lot of people don't seem to had realized what freedom is truly about. Last time I had posted a rather heavy comment about the state our society is in and I have to say for myself, even I was a bit shocked on what I had posted. It was a response to a post a friend has copy/pasted on her facebook:
"The biggest atrocity of all is to indoctrinate our children into a system that does not value their creative expression nor their unique abilities. - Benjamin Greene."
And this was my big response:
"Very sad, but also true.
And... That is also the reason why every movement now these days tends to get stopped on its tracks because people within the movement bicker too much with each other about what is the most ideal society.
Freedom isn't something that is entitled to only just one person or a select few. We tend to forget that with freedom, comes creative expression and the encouragement of unique abilities, But also the responsibility to make sure we use it right and not sniff out other's people freedom to choose. Kill off the freedom for people to choose and the freedom to express and you pretty much kill off every creativity humans have.
This is why I lost hope with a lot of the movements now these days. Because in their frantic slamming of their own ideas they pretty much destroyed their own movement. Since 2008, we forget that being for the freedom of speech also means allowing others to speak out as well. Now these days, we send death threats and bullet letters to each other and for some reason, people find that normal. I don't agreed with some of the things that have been said by certain feminists and MRA's, But I will defend their right to say it. Because the last thing we need is a society in where mob ruled-censorship is the only thing that is gonna dictate our lives.
Not saying the government also did some good either. But over the course of history, we haven't even bother to find a balance between opposites. NO we instead kept on cherry picking on gender, race, age and origin. And instead of coming together we simply kept the pendulum swinging. And frankly, I don't care who was the one that draw first blood, the fact that there is a constant bickering with each other while children pay the price for our incompetence is saying enough that we aren't as open-minded and thoughtful as we like to think we are.
As for me, I would rather stay in the shades of grey and watch and observe the battlefield than to pick a side. Better that I'm myself and alone than to pick a side and start losing myself. That is pretty much the hard lesson I had learn in these troublesome weeks. "
So, you are asking. Why post it here about this? And how is this related to our life as an artist? It is because I'm getting this gnawing feeling that I'm not as free to post and share as I was many years ago without being flooded by a lot of hate coming from people who really have nothing to lose. I haven't been uploading since like more than half a year because I'm truly afraid of the straw feminists (otherwise known as femminazi's) who had given the whole feminist movement a lot of bad reputation. But what makes me equally afraid are the radical responses coming from the nerdy communities who I had shared my works with. Over the course of 5 years I had seem the worst of the internet manifesting itself in the most ridiculous kinds of ways and I can't seem to get my head around the fact that people now these days find it perfectly normal to send death and rape threats towards each other. Some people had even gotten bullet letters because of what works they had uploaded on the Internets. We are getting slowly to a time where mob rule is deciding on what we are allow to post and what not and that isn't a good thing I tell you.
Off course, you can say that a lot of artists are filling their jars with sand and not with peddles. Meaning that artists are focusing too much on the little things and not the big things. Yes in a pragmatical sense that is true. However, the majorly of artists aren't pragmatical thinkers and a lot of us have no clue on what PR truly is. And the more creative we get, the more we sheer towards emotion when making our responses. Because the paradox of all of this, is that without emotion, without a soul, our works of art will suffer. This was the reason why certain friends of mine refused to take anti-psychotic medications because it hinders their creative input when they are drawing stuff. But as a logical consequence they turn completely crazy. This is why the emotions are getting so high when something happens in our creative environment, whatever that will be video games, writings, drawings, music and/or comics. It isn't just because we are anonymous when we are on the internet, our creativity makes us more emotional and less eager to have reason.
The reason I was shocked by my own post on my friend's facebook was because I realized how cynical and dark I had become over the years as a beginning artist. I have really given up hope in all that was human. I also came to the realization that this was the true me. An artist who was too afraid to post anything of content because I never wanted to get hit by hate or by ridicule. I was an artist that was so eager to escape the reality that felt "Fucked up" according to my own mind only to hit a brick wall of reality that says: "Sorry pal, But the internet isn't your world, it is certainly isn't your little private cave where you can hide and post whatever the hell you want without being judged by someone.".
So here I was, my life staying in a constant spiritual and emotional Limbo because I was too afraid to express myself through my works of arts and writing, too afraid to pick a side because of this fear for the anonymous mob that seems to be in control of our artistic choices in life. Everything that you upload online as an artist needs to be watermarked or else it gets stolen (Piracy ftw? yeah right...). Everything that you upload online as an artist will inescapably suffer hate and ridicule no matter if your work is sexist or not. Post something that is sexist, and you get the Straw feminists screaming at you. Post something that is women friendly and you get anti-feminist nerds who scream that you had lost your soul towards feminism (what?). Post something that has pragmatical body Armour and people scream that you have no creative mind and that his character is boring. (Sorry pal, but he decides on what he want to post, not you.)
Thankfully, most artists know that haters always gonna hate no matter what they post. Dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't post your content. But I think I need time to comes to terms with the reality I'm facing. Hate and ridicule will always come no matter what I do. And in order to improve as an artist, I NEED to share my works in order to gather feedback. because without feedback, there is no improvement. I think I'm slowly realizing that I should just focus on my writings and my artworks without wasting time on the whole social discussion of how we can created a utopia for all of us.
If people hate me now, let them hate me. I had already been backstabbed so many times during these last 3 weeks that it really doesn't matter to me anymore. I was naive to think that everyone can become my friend and thought that i can run away from the gnawing feeling of loneliness that I feel in life.
Thanks for reading.